Are you plagued with a "mivtzoim guilt complex?" Do you have to rationalize your lack of participation in certain mivtzoim with excuses, such as: "The Rebbe couldn't mean me -- I have a new baby (or am pregnant, or nursing)... I'm not good at it... I don't feel well..." (you know the classic ones)? Are you always wondering how your friend seems to have time and energy for mivtzoim as well as guests, while you just can't seem to get it together? Well, I've gone through all these stages myself, so I consider myself qualified to share some thoughts with you.

When my twins were born 22 months ago, I went into "hibernation". I was so busy feeding them every 3 hours, with each feeding taking one to one and a half hours, that there was little time left for doing housework, eating, resting or even breathing, let alone mivtzoim. For many months I was housebound because dressing and shlepping two infants was such a hassle, and I had no older children who could help me with this. At that stage of my life I began to think a lot about my purpose in life, I began learning to cope with the great stresses I was subjected to, and I accustomed myself to seeing the brocho in it all (through half-closed eyelids).

I realized that at this temporary, overwhelmingly busy stage in my life, when "extra curricular" activities were out of the question, I had, at least, one "edge" over my peers. At least no one was expecting anything from me, I wasn't really supposed to get out to go to meetings, or to take many guests. I realized that this relaxation from a "guilty conscience" was pleasurable. I realized how previously I had had this constant feeling that I'm not doing enough mivtzoim. The worry that I may not be working to my full capacity had really been bugging me.

Now, Baruch Hashem, with the twins active toddlers and a new 5 month old baby, I find myself again (or still) housebound. Although, in the past, I had gone out a lot on mivtzoim -- to hospitals, speaking engagements, etc., I realized I had better switch my focus for the next stage of my life and start putting my emphasis on hachnossos orchim, and having people come to me, which is a lot easier than going out. You can't always maintain the same type of avodas Hashem. When situations change, you have to change your mivtzoim to suit the new situation. I carry Sefer Torah forms when I take the children to their checkups; we organize Shabbos parties for children in our area, etc. etc.